“Whats the strongest drink you have?”

“Do you mean the worst drink or ‘just’ the strongest one?”

“What’s the worst one?”

“I can’t describe it to you, it’s something you have to experience, but one shot will make you instantly vomit.”

“Bullshit.”

“Am I wearing a red nose?”

“Give me one!”

“It’s very expensive.”

“Give me one anyway.”

“Show me the money.”

produces a banknote

“Do you have any medical conditions or allergies?  Specifically a heart condition or epilepsy?”

“No, hah hah – you’re funny.”

“Would you the puke bucket brought out now?”

“Get real, I ain’t gonna puke.”

“Ok, but should you feel the need, then go spew outside, because if I catch you throwing up on the urinal then I’m going to clean it with your head.”

pours shot

downs shot, lets out a gasp, goes wide eye, clutches at throat, and struggles for air

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS STUFF?”

“I have no idea, it’s sort of like an electric shock, nobody actually knows what it is, they just know they don’t want another one… except in this case it lasts for a very long time.”

“FUCK!  Didn’t expect it to be this bad, it’s burning like crazy.”

“No, it takes around 5 minutes to really get going.  Just wait till kicks in for real, then there’s no mistaking it.”

“OH JESUS – GIVE ME SOME WATER”

“Water can’t help you now.  Buckle up, the rides about to start.”

“JEEESUS – HOW LONG DOES THIS LAST?”

“Only 20 minutes or so, but it feels like a lifetime, and it’s only been umm… 17 seconds so far.”

exits to spew outside

“Hey – What did you give that guy”

“Would you like one too?”

“No way.”

“Well let me tell you something.  My grandfather lived to be 97 years old.  Do you know how he did that?”

“By drinking a shot of that every day?” 

“No, by minding his own fucking business.”

returns covered in vomit

“WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??? I can still taste it, and it’s burning my insides.”

“There’s only two things that will put the taste of that away, and one of them’s a blowjob.”

“Fuck that – what’s the other?”

produces obscure bottle of spirits

“This.”

“Ok just gimme some, quick!”

“Just gimme some what…?”

“PLEASE MAN!”

“Show me the money.”

“You’re actually going to charge me?”

“Damn straight, this shit doesn’t come out of a well in my back yard… well actually…”

produces another banknote

pours shot

desperately downs shot

“Aaaaarrrrgh – WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?”

“See!  Told you it would work.”

“I don’t believe this.  It actually tastes worse than the last one!”

“Uh huh, and that’s the magic.”

“OH MY GOD YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”

“Would you like the shot that puts the taste of that one away now?”

“FUCK YOU!”

makes to leave

“What – no tip?”

“You should be locked up.  You’re fucking twisted man.”

“I should be locked up?  I’m twisted?  I’m not the idiot that just walked into a dive bar, and asked to sample the strongest drink in the house.”

***

The next day he’s back with four apprehensive looking friends.

“Give these guys the same shit you gave me, and I’m buying.”